if you must fight, fight with yourself and your thoughts in the night

I've been thinking about happiness and what that word means to me. In my last post I told you I was unhappy, sad even and that was the case at that very moment. What I failed to see, however, was that a lot of awesome, mindblowing things had already happened and were about to happen. I've experienced so much this summer and come to think of it, I've been over the moon way more than I've been sad or lonely or angry.

Why haven't I been able to see the good things ?

Well, I'd like to think that it was the heartbreak I suffered at the end of June but no, that's not it really. I fell in love with a person that had no respect and time for me and now that I've realised that, I've been able to think of this heartbreak as more of a "I saved myself from possible future emotional abuse and neglect". Which is fantastic. No, it was not the heartbreak that caused all this. It was me. I failed to se the good things because my mind is always banging on about the bad things. I see myself very critically and tend to think that other people are always judging me and how stupid I am. Truth is, no one really thinks about me like that. Not random strangers anyway. It's me who feels this way and it's insane.

I am a smart and worthy person. I'm pretty and I appreciate the work and effort I've put into things in order to get here. And now I need to move forward. I need to learn more about myself and start believing what I just said. I need to not take shit from anyone. I need to be me.

Which is something I don't think I've been in a while now.

ps. I've decided to start publishing my writing here. Mostly poetry but maybe even some short stories (they need some serious work though, so don't wait for them anytime soon). I'm excited !