I have people in my life that drain me. Whenever I'm with them, I feel the need to alter my behavior to their liking and hide the things about myself I think they don't like. I can't say certain things or do things some specific way. I think everyone has at least one person like this in their life but, as it happens, for me these people are also the very people that I love the most. And it's because I love them and they are a big part of my life that I spend a lot of time with them. So naturally I'm a mess sometimes.
I'm the sort of person who goes to extreme lengths in orded to ensure that the people around me are feeling well and that I don't do anything to hurt them or make them feel bad. The worst thing to me is when someone is disappointed in me. I do anything and everything in my power to avoid that.
As a result of all this, planning my future isn't all that easy. These previously mentioned people all want me to do different things. And there simply isn't a way that I can please everyone. Not in this matter.
And I'm not really sure that I have to. Because this, right here, these few following months will quite possibly be the start of my own, independent life. Not anyone else's, mine.
No matter how deeply I love these people and no matter how hard it's going to be acting against their liking, I have to do it. I have to break free from this. I can't live my life according to someone else's rules. It has to stop. Because right now I spend my nights crying because I can't do what I want. I have so many dreams to pursue but I can't do that with all these people wanting all these things things from me.
I can only hope that these people love me as much as I love them and will at least try to be supportive and eventually realise that making my own decisions is something that makes me happy. And when someone you love is happy, you are happy. Or at least that's how it works for me.
Wow this was a long and deep post. Here have a bright and bubbly song:
(haha Coldplay again)
